Monophobia
by Military Mechanic
Summary: They don't know, Usopp tells himself, and that's the only reason that they do it. Leave him alone, that is. On the ship, in the town, in battle. They don't understand that being alone is almost worse than fighting someone stronger then he is, and if it's up to Usopp, then they never will.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So I found a new head-canon for Usopp. Which means that he deserves a new story, featuring that head-canon. And that is this! I would love to know what people think, so reviews are always welcome!

And, as always, I take story requests!

* * *

They don't know.

When they insist that he stay on the ship instead of coming with them onto the island. They don't realize that, after having been with the crew for almost six months and twelve islands, this is the first time he's been left alone. The first time that he hasn't been able to wheedle someone else into staying to watch the ship instead of he.

In fact, as they amble off of the Sunny, they are all laughing and talking. Glad to have found an island that is pirate friendly for a change. Somewhere that they can take their time and explore - and that's why both Zolo and Sanji are going, isn't it? Because the others want to take their time for once, and they feel the need to gaurd. To protect.

They don't realize that who they should be protecting is Usopp. But then, they don't understand how he could need protecting when he's alone on the ship. That _being alone_ is why he needs protection in the first place.

Staying behind on the ship, it's supposed to be a reward for him. That's what Sanji had said, before snatching up the notepad that contained his grocery list and then sweeping across the deck after Nami. Eyes bright and steps quick, so eager to get off the ship and check out the market and the vendors and the cafes and resturaunts and anything and everything that he can find.

Usopp only finds himself cursing the blond chef. Then he crosses his arms over his chest and curses himself, because he's the one that's never told any of them.

But how could he? How could he tell them that even the thought of being left on his own was enough to send his heart pounding and coat his palms in a thin sheen of sweat? That wasn't something a normal pirate said. Hell, that wasn't something a normal civilian would say! And he was already the odd-one-out on the crew. He doesn't want to ostracize himself any more than that.

So he just stands at the edge of the ship and waves them off. Tries to smile and tells himself that they don't know.

Hopefully, they never will.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: As you can tell, I plan on making these extremely short chapters. I'm just trying to work out all the details of how Usopp handles it, so I can use it in my larger stories.

* * *

It's harder then he remembers. Being on his own, that is. Or maybe it's become harder due to the fact he hasn't had to deal with it in so long? Whatever the case may be, Usopp doesn't like it.

After the crew leave, first the ship then from sight, Usopp finds it difficult to keep standing at the railing. It shows nothing but an empty port, leading to an empty road - and the fact that he _knows_ the road leads to a bustling town is nothing. Doesn't matter, doesn't count, doesn't even register in his thoughts. Just the lack of people near him at the moment is noticed, and that sends him scuttling closer to the center of the deck.

Usopp's heart is pounding in his chest already. Loud enough that he can hear it thudding in his ears, drowning out even the crashing waves around him and the faint cry of the gulls flying past the mast. He has to stop and wipe his palms off on the legs of his coveralls, the feel of sweat sliding down them making him uncomfortable. Without thinking, he curls the tips of his fingers into his palm, trying to erase the tingling feeling developing there.

The deck is empty and very quiet.

"G-guess it's just me here, now!" he says loudly, and his voice is trembling ever so slightly. A high-pitched laugh follows. One that's so uncomfortable, it would have been a dead give-away to anyone still near the ship.

Usopp has to fight with himself to swallow the near-deranged noise, insisting that he's better than that. He's the brave Captain Usopp, after all! He can handle being alone for a few hours, after all. He can deal with the spine-chilling silence, the heavy feeling settled in the air, the unlived in vibe that Merry is suddenly giving off.

What he cannot deal with, however, are the memories.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I guess a good thing about these super short chapters is that you get them frequently, right? I would love to know what people think of this. -hint hint-

* * *

The crew have a good time in town. Eat lunch there, having left something in the fridge of the Merry for Usopp. Finish their shopping and then start to head back - having been gone a total of four and a half hours, fifteen minutes, thirty six seconds.

Usopp knows, because he's kept track. Not by counting, of course, but by looking up at the clock hanging on the wall of his workshop. Watching the hands move slowly, too slowly, and listening to each tick of the gears.

He is so wrapped up in watching said clock, perched on the edge of a chair that he has drug in from the kitchen, knees pressed close to a sweating chest and hands wrapped firmly around his thigh, that he doesn't realize the others are back. Doesn't realize much of anything actually, except that time passes by very slowly and that his tongue feels like cotton in his mouth.

Above the deck, Sanji sets his bags of food down in the kitchen. Nami moves to deposit her newly purchased clothes in her bedroom. Luffy's scrambling up the crows nest and Zolo makes his way downstairs, slightly annoyed that Usopp wasn't paying enough attention to come up and meet them.

Zolo slams the door to the boys cabin open, a scowl on his face as he walks in. "Usopp! What the Hell are you doing? We left you here to _watch_ the ship, not laze about down here."

The bang shakes Usopp back into the present, and he jumps. His head spins around - and he's expecting a man there, tall and dressed in simple clothes, like everyone else in Syrup Villiage, but with a scowl on his face and anger in his eyes. The sight of Zolo there instead, no matter how beyond pissed the swordsman looks, is a welcome relief.

He lets out a sigh, breath just as shakey as his body is, and untangles himself from his chair. Usopp knows that he probably looks bad, with trembling hands and hair that, loose from its ponytail, is wild and uncontrollable. All the same, he gives the other man a smile.

"Zolo! You guys are back!" he says, and there's an unmistakeable note of happyness in his voice.

Zolo just stares at him. Raises an eyebrow then, deciding that he really doesn't care enough to ask, just shakes his head and leaves.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Last update for tonight, because I'm getting ready to head off to bed. I hope you all enjoy it, and that you'll be kind enough to drop a review!

* * *

Dinner goes by quickly and no one questions Usopp as to why he wasn't on the top deck while they were gone. Either they don't care or they just haven't thought of it, too caught up in talking about the sights in the town and the goods that they brought back. Luffy spends most of the time excitedly telling Usopp about the man he met, with a large mustache and a pet monkey. And, oh, Usopp smiles and nods at all the right spots, acting for all the world like nothing's wrong.

Sometimes, he forgets just how good of an actor he can be.

It's not something that he's had to do often since joining up with Luffy, after all. Mostly, he says what's on his mind. But this...This is different. This isn't something that he can just _talk about_, like it doesn't make him weak and less then everybody else.

Weaker, Usopp corrects himself, nodding when Luffy asks him something. Eating the food in front of him almost mechanically. Despite the fact that Sanji cooked it and he _knows_ that it isn't, the food tastes dry in his mouth and it scratches his throat on the way down.

When the plates are being gathered, Usopp's the first one out of his seat. He doesn't volunteer to help Sanji with the dishes, like he does most nights, just starts inching his way towards the door.

"Where are you going, Usopp?" asks Nami, looking over at him as the chef swoops in and collects her empty plate.

"M-me? I'm just - I'm really tired! Yeah, exhausted. So I'm just going to go to bed early, I think. Make sure I'm awake enough for tomorrow." answers Usopp, and the lie comes to him so easily.

He knows that, even though he _is_ exhausted, he will not be able to get to sleep early. There will be no rest for him tonight. There never is, not when he gets like this. When he can still hear his heart pounding away; still taste salt in his mouth and feel invisible pains cloaking him; still remember what it's like to be so utterly and completely alone.

No, tonight he will not get rest. But he leaves the galley as soon as he can all the same, afraid that someone will notice that he's acting off.

And that won't do, because they can't know just how worthless he really is.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: So, before we get any further, this is my head-canon for how the Merry is laid out and how beds are distributed. Sanji and Usopp share a room. Zolo and Luffy share a room. Nami has her own room, and Chopper sleeps in the infirmary.

There.

Now this chapter should make sense - and, as always, reviews are loved!

* * *

Usopp is laying on his hammock with the covers pulled up to his shoulders. It's dark and late, midnight long gone and morning close to arrival, and he is so very, very tired. His body _aches_ and he wants nothing more than to just close his eyes and drift off to sleep.

But he can't, he can't, he can't and he knows that.

The ship is silent, which isn't a surprise. Everyone else has gone to bed, worn out from their trip into town earlier. Even Sanj, who is always the last to retire to the cabins, always up late doing something or other in the kitchen, has curled up in his own hammock and fallen asleep. Usopp knows, because he can hear the blond breathing.

Their deep, even breaths. Not what you would imagine a chronic smoker to sound like; and Usopp has heard his fair share of those harsh, raspy breaths, back on Syrup Island. He's glad that Sanji doesn't breath like that. It would make it harder to beyond around the chef, if only slightly and harder to share a room with him on nights like this. Nights when everything that he sees and hears and feels and tastes reminds him of before, when he so alone and cold and broken.

Nights when even closing his eyes sends him spiraling into a pit of nervousness and worry.

When it's dark, he's alone. When his eyes are closed, he's gone from the Going Merry and back on Syrup Island. When he's asleep, all that he dreams are nightmares.

So he doesn't close his eyes and he doesn't sleep. Usopp just stares at the cieling, arms at his side and almost painfully straight; blanket feeling strangely scratchy against his bare arms and chest; the waves slapping against the ship doing nothing to calm him, instead only tightening the coils of his stomach and making him more uncomfortable, more on edge, because isn't he on land? Isn't he in his home, nestled up on the hill?

Isn't he awake?

No, Usopp realizes with a start, he isn't awake and that isn't Sanji in the room with him because suddenly the breaths are rough and haggard and all he can smell is cheap booze.

Tonight is a long night for Usopp, and the dreams just keep getting worse.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Eh, not as happy with this chapter as I have been with the others, but I think it's still a needed post. Hopefully, you all enjoy it more than I do!

* * *

It is a long night for Usopp, spent trying to decipher dreams from reality; attempting to recall what is a memory and what is just fear running wild with him. He doesn't get much sleep, and what he does is far from being restful.

Morning, however, comes slowly. As though the sun is taunting him, it stays away longer then usual, covered by thick storm clouds and keeping the light from shining into the cabin and alerting them of the new dawn. When it finally does, Usopp is already awake, so he clambers out of his hammock and makes his way to the deck. Doesn't even bother to change out of his sleep pants, which are dark grey and rather big on his thin frame.

No one else is up, anyway. Even Sanji is still curled up in his hammock, letting out even breaths that should not be coming from a chronic smoker.

The upper deck is empty, but it's comforting in a way. The others, Usopp knows, are just below him. In fact, he can still make out Luffy's snores.

He isn't alone.

But he feels that way, sometimes. Worn out and tired, like no one else understands - and they don't but, normally, that's fine because Usopp doesn't want them to know anyway. Which just makes it worse, because then he's conflicted about what he should do.

In the end, all that he does is curl up at the foot of the main mast, beneath the flag that stands for all he knows and maybe for all he is, and watches the wave rock against the Merry's side. If he had thought to bring up his notebook, he would have drawn, because that always makes him feel a little better. But he didn't, so he just sits there and is silent, making no plans on telling anyone of his long night.

Just like always.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Ta-dah! Double-update and, on top of that, a fairly long chapter. Amazing, isn't it? Hopefully, this length doesn't upset the flow of the rest of the stories.

On another note, I just watched the sixth One Piece movie and cried. Mostly because it was like a nightmare gone wrong.

* * *

When the crew finally wakes, not with the rays of dawn but with that of morning and a decent hour, they stretch and yawn. Take their time getting dressed, and Nami slips off to the small room that serves as their bathroom. Then they amble up to the deck, Sanji first as always, to start on breakfast and lock the door, making sure that Luffy cannot barge in and steal food before it's served.

A good move on the chef's part, because that is exactly where Luffy goes first. From his spot at the main mast, Usopp watches as his boistrous captain slams his fist on the door, trying to convince Sanji to let him in.

Like every morning, the chef holds firm and Sanji's door stays closed. Usopp cannot help but be grateful for that, because it means the rest of the crew will actually have something to eat.

Zolo is already training; and the grunts of his efforts are heard across the deck. They drown out Chopper's cheerful good morning, as the young deer makes his way across the deck, a thick medical book tucked under one arm, and settles down near the railing. Finished her shower, Nami has made her way onto the deck, eyes narrowed as she takes in the brewing storm.

It's loud, and that thought is comforting to Usopp. A smile flits across his face and he leans back against the mast, eyes fluttering closed. This is something that he can sleep too.

Before he can, however, Luffy barrels across the deck and skids to a stop next to him. Lets out a noisy "umph" when he drops to the floor, scrambling to cross his legs in front of him, a hand resting on each knee.

"Hey, Usopp! What're you doing?" he asks, voice loud and cheerful. His light brown eyes are locked onto the sniper - and there's something in them that isn't usually there, but Usopp's tired and just shrugs it off.

"Nothing, Luffy." Usopp answers, forcing his eyes back open. Offers the man a grin and sits up straighter, so he's no longer leaning against the wooden mast. "Why? We have plans for this morning?"

It's said jokingly, but Luffy nods anyway.

Usopp blinks, slightly taken a back. "W-we do?"

"Yep." answers Luffy, with a serious nod. "You're gonna tell me a story.

Oh. That makes sense, he guesses, and it actually sounds fairly relaxing. Stories have always been a way to escape from reality, and into a world that is better and different. It's something that he enjoys doing, because he doesn't have to think about it.

So he laughs and nods and lets his mind choose the story - and maybe because of the dreams he had the nigth before, or maybe because he was alone before, his mind selects one that he told to Kaya, time and time again.

"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful woman. She lived alone on a small island, with lots of friends but no family, and she was happy there. She thought that she already had a perfect life; with a nice house perched on top of a hill, and friends that were always coming over for parties and dinners." he says, and he moves his hands about as he does. Just vague motions, but they keep Luffy occupied and he doesn't have to think about them.

Doesn't have to think about anything, really.

"Then, one day, a pirate ship docked on the islands shores. Most of the people were afraid, but the beautiful woman wasn't. She was intrigued, and she went down to the docks and welcomed the pirates to her town. They were friendly things that loved to party, and the sniper of the crew was a grand man." Usopp makes sure to call him the sniper and not the captain, because that is how Luffy knew that he wasn't talking about himself.

Usopp is always the captain in stories revolving around him. As he continues, telling about how the two danced together that night and, over the course of the ships stay, fell in love, and Chopper perches beside the captain. Nami offers them a slight smile as she passes, slipping into the kitchen to speak with Sanji - about the upcoming storm, though the others don't know it yet.

"They wanted their son to grow up knowing he was loved, and to be brave and strong like the pirate was. But, after all these years, the ship that the sniper had come in on was leaving and he had to make a choice. His dream, or his family." here, Usopp lets his voice drop, and his face changes; though he doesn't realize that, doesn't realize that it reflects the mood of his story. "And, oh, the pirate loved the sea and he loved his captain, a strong and brave man that was scarred but not broken...but he loved his wife more, and he loved his son."

"So he stayed?" interrupts Luffy, leaning foreward slightly.

Usopp nods, but his face is very serious. "Yes, he stayed. And, together, they raised their child, a boy who resembled his father but so acted like his mother."

"Gah, that's a great ending!" cheers Chopper - and maybe, over on the other side of the deck, Zolo gives a slight smile and agrees with the young deer.

To them, it's a childrens tale and nothing more. For Usopp, it's the ending that he and his mother never got.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: We're back to short chapters, yay! And I've got a nice idea as to where this is going, so hopefully you all will continue to enjoy it!

* * *

Breakfast brings with it noise and people and elbows rubbing elbows as Usopp fights with Luffy over the plate of sausage links. The fear from the day before is shoved in the back of Usopp's mind, where it is nothing more than a lingering memory and a slight feel of dread that he knows will never vanish.

But, for the moment, it's not at the front of his mind and he's laughing, loud and happy.

Usopp smacks Luffy's hand away from his plate, looking up and over his shoulder when a pale hand tops off his cup of orange juice. Sanji's light blue eyes meet his - and there's something in them that isn't usually there, something that says there's a reason the blond isn't just catering to Nami like he normally does.

"Eh?" mutters Usopp, but he takes the renewed glass with a slight smile. "Uh, thanks, Sanji."

Sanji nods but doesn't answer, instead sweeping off to where Nami is sitting. Acting like the rare offer of friendship isn't unusual and like the day is passing by normally. Nami, for her part, is only picking at her plate, mug of coffee almost full.

"Nami-swan," coos Sanji, a hint of worry creeping into his normal love-struck tone. "what's the matter?"

The navigator gives a slight smile, but anyone who looks can tell it's a fake. Or maybe, Usopp thinks, he's just so used to lying about everything he can spot when someone else is doing the same?

"We've got a really bad storm heading our way, guys. I don't think it's something that we can wait out here at the docks. We'll fare better in open waters." she explains, and then her honey brown eyes flick to the chef beside her. "You said that you didn't get all of the groceries yesterday?"

Sanji purses his lips together, tight around his cigarrette, and shakes his head.

"Then we'll have to do that first thing this morning. You and Chopper can go finish shopping, and the rest of us we'll take care of getting the rigging ready to sail." orders Nami. "I want to be out of here by noon."

"Of course, Nami-swan!" Sanji croons, and then he's swooping off again, back into the inner depths of the galley. Looking for the list of items he still needs - and didn't he leave it in the pantry?

Usopp doesn't say anything, but he's stopped laughing and is focusing on just trying to finish eating. If Nami, who is so at home amongst the jolts of lightning and bursts of thunder, is worried about the storm then he knows it will be a bad one.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Wow, I cannot believe that I'm on the ninth chapter already. That's just...That's amazing! And this story is actually getting a bit of acknowledgement, which makes me want to write it so much more! Thanks, everyone!

* * *

The moment that Sanji and Chopper leave the ship, Nami has the entire crew following her orders. Bustling around and trying to get things prepared, both for the trip back into deep waters, and for what is supposed to be an all-too-big storm.

Of course, Usopp doesn't doubt Nami's prediction. He knows better than that because, at times like this, she is all but one with the sea. So intune with the ocean and the winds and the clouds that she can pinpoint exactly what will happen, even here in the Grand Line, where weather is unpredictable.

So, when he catches sight of her, standing at the bow of the ship, hands curled around the railing tight enough that knuckles have turned white, he feels his stomach drop. She isn't one to be afraid of weather, no matter how fierce it is.

Being able to see that she's concerned about this storm? Maybe even a little bit scared of it? It's terrifing - and he can feel his heart start to pound away in his chest again, like someone that's taking a hammer to a sheet of metal and just _banging against it_ but never hitting the intended target. His mouth goes dry, and when his tongue darts out to wet his lips he realizes that they've started to chap.

Which is strange, because they weren't that way earlier.

That's when he notices how much the wind has picked up. Harsh, cold gusts that beat against him - and it's darker out now too, with large clouds obscuring the sky. Clouds that aren't just grey or purple or dark, but are a pitch black that seem capable of reaching down and smothering everyone, once and for all.

Usopp is so caught up in staring at these clouds, because he's seen them before, once, when he was younger, and he doesn't realize that there's anyone behind him. A large hand comes down on his shoulder and he yelps, jumps, has to scramble to keep the arm full of tarp that he's taking down to the store-closet from falling onto the floor.

"Hurry it up, Usopp." says Zolo, but there's a distinct lack of annoyance in his tone. "I want to get all this stuff below deck before that shitty cook gets back."

Blinking up at the swordsman, Usopp gives a small nod but doesn't speak. Doesn't trust himself to say anything without his voice trembling, and isn't he supposed to be trying to prove to everyone that he's strong?

So he just scrambles off, trying to focus on where he's putting his feet and not on the clouds or Nami.


End file.
